The Insomniac Writer

She has just begun to feel

over hate

over love of all that tries to kill her

over bait

left dangling before the cart

Who knows where the horse has gone?

She has just undone the real me

defecates

on this love of truth and all things fragile

orchestrates

imagining she has a heart

Who knows who she’ll be come dawn?

another hospital, another waiting room

sardine-stuffed with weary families

red-eyed and brimmed with soured coffee

numb to the bells and whistles

the shabby symphony of life, death, and the in-between

immune to the stale air and its grim bouquet of disinfectant

how often have I shared this road

with the nerve-worn nameless

the miserable few?

how much life have I spent

held fast in the trappings of death?

fear lives here, slithering like the

DEVIL

through our garden minds

whispering lies of god-like men

(saviors with saline,

mighty men of morphine)

bringing false hope

with their delaying tactics

but if the devil is in the details

it is hard to imagine him here

where everything blurs into mind-numbing sameness

and each hour

stretches out like cold morning molasses

this is the kiln where my anger is stoked

doused with the accelerant

of the incompetent and careless

compassion deficient

and when it burns white hot I know no friend

not God

(who bears my every flame)

nor myself

(the victim of my deepest scorn)

this place—this damned place—is filled with whys

and never enough answers…

never enough rest or calm

save for the final sort

So, it turns out my younger brother has Congestive Heart Failure. Yeah. He’s currently in the CICU at a local hospital. He’s on the mend, but he has a lifetime of medication to look forward to as well as a new low sodium (yuck!) diet.

This is the sort of thing life throws at you when you least expect it. The kind of curve ball that makes my writing take a back seat to the rest of my life.

I’m sharing this with you not as an excuse for not updating the site. I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m sharing because I’m not a hypocrite. You need to know that, whatever your writing goals, life will eventually intrude… and the only thing you can do is let it.

I’ll be honest. I couldn’t write anything worth reading right now if I had a million dollars on the line. My life is, for this brief moment, too chaotic for my art to be in the driver’s seat. On the other side of this mountain, when there is some distance between me and this stress, I’m sure it will be cathartic to use it in some way… to work it into a story or a poem. Right now, however, I need to circle the wagons and be there for my family.

Sure, this will put me a bit behind on some of my goals. The new book might be delayed a month or two, but you know what? That’s okay. I’m only human, and being human isn’t so bad.

When life intrudes on your work, and I mean the big, all-hands-on-deck kind of stuff, you do what you need to do for yourself and your family. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes… the story really can wait.

J

Ravaged Nun and Greasy Priest 

I tense like a tabby cat whose prey just flitted by

on paper wings

as thin as hope’s blue thread

her grin –  a feint,

her teeth – capped with ice,

topsy-turvy tombstones

to truth’s cruel fate.

I’m a sweetless piñata made from yesterday’s news

a faithless vow

as empty as a gourd

she’s all deceit

a deep salted wound

a prick and prod production

of hell’s delight.

My new book is taking shape. I’ve already managed to whittle down what poetry will be included. The bigger job will be the essays and short fiction, but I suspect I’ll be wrangling a few people into assisting with the decision-making. I’m beyond excited, not just about the book, but about the wonderful opportunity to launch Write Crowd Publications.

The tentative plan is to launch in January 2010 with an eye on Fall 2010 for our second release – an as-yet-untitled memoir that we’ll be letting you know more about in the months to come. If we get our funding together, I’d also like to publish a yearly anthology, but that may be back-burnered while we sort out which strategies work for us and which do not. It’s a bit frightening, I must admit, to be jumping with both feet into the unknown. But what a grand adventure it will be!

Will be back in a few days with something fun!

Write more! Write now!

J